Scenario 1
Sandra has been a church-going Christian for many years and has largely been satisfied with her experience. She is highly involved in her community and regularly assists with services, fundraising, holds a range of volunteer roles etc. As far as her congregation are concerned, Sandra is a happy and thriving Christian woman. However, in recent months, Sandra has started to feel restless. She starts to notice little things about her church that irritate her – that many of them don’t seem to take their faith particularly seriously. She also notices that many people display decidedly ‘un-Christian’ patterns of behaviour that almost always go unchecked. Sandra starts to wonder how transformative her faith really is. If people continue to lie and cheat for years after handing their life to God – what’s the point?
During this period, Sandra is introduced to a woman called Isobel, who flips her understanding of faith on its head. Isobel describes herself as a recovering alcoholic and tells Sandra about her journey with the 12-step recovery programme. Sandra is impressed with Isobel’s remarkable spiritual transformation and her commitment to recovery. She is also envious at Isobel’s involvement with a community so dedicated to personal growth. Sandra has always looked down on alcohol and drug addicts but must admit that Isobel has a depth of wisdom sorely lacking in her own spiritual life.
Sandra finds herself wishing that she was also part of a 12-step recovery programme, even though she has never had a problem with alcohol (or any other substance). Sandra tries talking to her vicar about her experience but finds she isn’t particularly helpful. She tries talking to her friends in the congregation, but they just seem bemused by her sudden interest in problem drinking. Sandra decides to call a spiritual director and talks about her desire to join the 12- step programme. ‘Even though I am not addicted to drugs and alcohol’, she says, ‘I know I have many addictions’. The most relevant addiction, to Sandra, is compulsively compliant behaviour. All her life, Sandra has said yes to every request made of her, even when she has desperately wanted to say no. Because of this, Sandra feels like she has lived a half-life, defined more by the expectations of other people than by her own desires and sense of calling. ‘I would love to be part of a 12-step programme that is open to people like me’, Sandra says, and asks the Spiritual Director for guidance.
As Spiritual Directors, how would you respond to Sandra’s predicament?
Scenario 2
Stuart is a divorced man in his early 70s. He lives alone in a small house and is financially secure. He retired five years previously after a successful career as an academic and has enjoyed the opportunity to catch up on the reading and writing he was unable to do while he was still in full time. Stuart has three adult children with whom he has a distant but largely amiable relationship.
Stuart has lived a life that might best be described as a ‘mixed bag’. He had a difficult childhood, with a father who suffered from mental illness and a mother who died when he was still a teenager. His parents were both Christian but Stuart walked away from the church as soon as he left home. While his marriage and parenthood initially gave him much joy, the subsequent divorce was devastating and he never regained enough trust in women to form another relationship. As such, Stuart has lived alone for over thirty years.
Stuart has felt quite content during his retirement. Despite holding to no religious or spiritual beliefs, he has found great meaning in pursuing literature and philosophy, and often boasts to his friends at how lucky he has it. However, his happiness evaporates when an unexpected illness befalls him. After experiencing severe abdominal pain, he is admitted into hospital where he is told that he likely has stomach cancer, a hypothesis that cannot be confirmed for months due to an overstretched health system. Stuart is discharged from the hospital and treated as an outpatient while he awaits further testing.
While recuperating from this experience, Stuart finds himself overcome with negative emotion. On top of the fear of dying, Stuart starts to revisit periods of his life with feelings of regret and shame. He thinks of all the ways he has hurt other people and the many mistakes he has made. His children call occasionally to check in on him, but aside from that he has nobody to turn to. Stuart starts to realise a life lived in isolation causes serious problems when faced with a major crisis. From the depths of desperation, Stuart begins to pray.
As Spiritual Directors, how would you respond to Stuart’s situation?
